35 Weeks, the Final Week

As of this morning, we learned that our daughter is scheduled for a health-related precautionary c-section to take place this Thursday. Her birthday will be March 31. 3/31/11. Here are the pieces from there to here.

The weekend before, really getting ready now, I mean it

I woke up on the first day of my 35th week feeling ready and determined. My Mom was coming into town, which would already make me feel better. I knew it was a matter of a couple weeks, at the most, if not just days, before the baby arrived so there was plenty to do. I made a list. And tried to plan stretches of activity alongside stretches of foot-raised rest. My husband went with his family to the Argentina-US soccer game, and I was relieved that he would have some special, happy time with his family after our intense hospital stay. My Mom and I had a nice time together, she worked her behind off doing laundry and cleaning and helping me plan through what I needed to do to become mom-ready in a baby-ready house. And we lounged and talked in the evenings. She stayed for a few days, helping me with so many errands and house activities, and taking me to my follow-up appointment on Monday while my husband was in NY for work.

Monday's appointment

I knew that they were going to find that I was even closer to labor. My Braxton Hicks were almost constant for many hours a day. I was seeing something different in my underwear. And Monday morning the cramping returned. I went to work for a few hours, my very generous boss ordered me to follow doc's orders and return home. Later in the day, my mother and I went to CHOP.

The decision to perform a c-section came about thanks to a perfect storm. First, they saw on the ultrasound that the baby's cyst had fully re-inflated back to its size just before they drained it, which was basically it's largest size yet during the pregnancy. Second, they found that I was still dilated but now 80% effaced, which means significant dissolution of the mucus lining that covers the opening of the cervix. The baby's head had moved down some. Third, my blood pressure soared, putting me at risk for preeclampsia and preterm labor. During the visit, they told me that a scheduled c-section was best with a draining procedure performed just prior so that they could ensure that when they delivered the baby, her cyst would be at its smallest size, ensuring room in her chest for ventilation. Then they would do their diagnostic tests, make a plan, and surgically remove her cyst before it re-inflated again, giving them about 3 days or so. They learned from the draining procedure how much time they had before it re-inflated, that it was definitely an esophageal duplication cyst (good news regarding the ability to remove it), and that it could be fully drained and that her lungs and heart would immediately move into their proper position. It was too much information to ignore, essentially, and with my body moving toward labor, they wanted to have a detailed plan. But, you see, at first the plan was to do all of this in Week 37. But when the perfect storm started brewing, they said they'd call me if it needed to be done earlier. This morning I got the call...Thursday would be the day.

Final preparations

Today felt like a whole different day after that call. While I wish that the baby could spend more time growing in the womb, there are too many confounding variables that might interfere with her and my wellbeing, and having a middle of the night labor just feels too scary. And, so, despite the fact that I have worries about her being born early, I know she's at a good weight, and that her health has been monitored about 100 times more than almost all other babies. She's doing everything right in there--practicing breathing, swallowing fluid, gaining weight faster than other babies her gestational age. There are a lots of strengths on her side. And, when I remember those things, I just get plain excited. I can't believe that I'll be able to hold her in a couple days, that she'll move from inside to the outside. That I'll have the luxury of being on maternity leave so I can spend time with her and support her growth and be with her. Yes, I'm nervous. I'm expecting an intense few days in the hospital as they care for her and support her in her transition to the outside world, but I have great confidence and I feel like she has shown us so many signs that she's very much okay. Yes, she has a "birth defect." Call it that if you want; others do. But it has just been one part of all of this and all of the other parts have been so plainly normal and wonderful. I feel like all of this fits with my life in a lot of ways, that it makes sense that it's me and my husband with this special wonderful baby because we have the kind of thinking and will power and philosophies about the very special differences among people that make us great parents for this little girl. Many months ago, when I felt my worst through all of this, I mourned her. I did. But I never gave up on her. And, at that worst of times, I felt like I did something wrong. Like I created a poor home that led to her having some challenges, but now I realize that really the coincidence of us having this awesome baby is cosmically related to us doing something right, being the people that we are, receiving the gift of a girl who needed a different start and parents who would honor that. I really feel like I know how to honor many different kinds of experiences; my parents taught me that. And so we're lucky to have her, and I think she's lucky to have us too.

I'm looking forward to spending tomorrow night with my husband. It'll feel like Christmas Eve!