33 Weeks

The baby's room is painted. The color is called everlasting peach. I love the name of it. In the morning light, the room looks orange, and at night, it looks pink. I suppose that's the magic of peach. I'm enamored with it.

The fact that the baby's room is painted was my only consolation last week when I went into false labor. I've had Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks now, but on Wednesday I was feeling contractions every four to five minutes for about two and a half hours. I was out to dinner with my friend Jess and was brought to silence every few minutes to try to absorb what was going on. It was pretty intense.

Fortunately, after a couple hours of this, I called an OB at CHOP and, wouldn't you know, the contractions slowed down and within an hour or so, stopped. There's something magical about getting the doctor on the horn. Things just seem to start working out again. That happened earlier in the pregnancy when I didn't feel the baby move for a day. After plenty of time to fret, as soon as I got the doctor on the phone, the baby started kicking again. Maybe if I get some serious gas in the next few weeks, I'll just call the docs and hope for the best.

In any case, when I was having the regular contractions at home, I moved very quickly into high gear. I scanned the first floor and lunged at anything that needed cleaning or was out of place. I took out the trash, I threw some dishes into the dishwasher, I folded blankets, all while taking breaks to just get through the contractions every five minutes. I'm sure it would have been a comical sight. Then I sat down on the couch and studied my phone to start tracking them. Fortunately, it was just my body's trial run. We're not ready for the baby yet! I mean, yes, her room has a color. But it has no furniture yet! On Wednesday night though I did think to myself: it's okay, her room has a color...it has a color...it has a color. It was the saving grace of the moment!

Now I'm 33 weeks and officially in the zone where my body takes license to practice labor. Things are getting pretty serious, folks! Baby is on her way. We're very fortunate to have friends and family who will help us get prepared quickly in the next couple weeks, and I'll be so relieved when we have a room (with furniture) ready for her. Even if she has to spend weeks in the NICU, I'd be pained to think that she had no room at home ready for her.

The belly keeps growing. Even when I look at it and think, it couldn't possibly get any bigger, it does. Tonight I ate Indian buffet with Jared. Oh my, I think that's the last of my Indian buffet dinners until after the baby arrives. There's not enough room in my belly to fit five pounds of baby and a plate of curry!

I feel the baby move plenty still but the sensations of her movement have changed. Now that she is bigger, I don't feel her constantly floating around. She's clearly in her spot and whenever she makes a drastic change in position, like turns on her side, it's a very intense feeling for me. I can even see it on the outside of my belly--it contorts and changes shape.

In addition to my growing belly, my mama mentality is expanding. I am feeling more and more like a mother, feeling drawn to mothers, thinking about how mothers identify themselves and how they deal with the moments life brings. I find my thoughts wandering into new directions, thinking about things a little big differently, all the while still feeling like myself and having my own usual thoughts and questions. It's fascinating to hear myself sound like me but also sound like someone different too. A different version of me. I try to picture myself holding my child, and, at the moment it's still hard to envision sometimes, but it's very easy to imagine the thoughts and feelings that I will have. I can only guess it's because those thoughts and feelings are, to some extent, already with me. I hope the difficulty in envisioning myself with the baby is not because of her health but just because it's really the next level and I'm just not there yet.

Last night, I went to Julia's housewarming party and there lots of mothers there who are close to me in age. It was so gratifying to have mama talk. I was completely tuned in and fascinated, craving more information, listening to stories. I loved it all. I was very happy to exchange contact info with at least one mother so I can further broaden my circle of young, hip, city moms whom I can learn from.