Spilling the Beans

We are truly ecstatic to share our joyful news, but convention says we are supposed to wait a while--until we enter the second trimester and the risk of miscarriage is significantly less likely. As I have read up though over the past couple weeks, I've seen that convention may be outdated. More and more moms-to-be in Weeks 4 to 8 are telling family and close friends. We've decided to do the same.

The expectation that pregnant partners will withhold this good news from everyone does women no good if you ask me. It assumes that miscarriage is a smite on the family, a reason to be embarrassed, whereby women feel more like failures and further stigmatized.

My husband and I have decided that we are comfortable slowly but surely spilling the beans to our family and very close friends between now and the end of the first trimester with the hope and expectation that these folks will be there for us if something goes wrong. We would never want to go through that alone, so why would we not tell anyone we are pregnant. Good news is meant to be shared, and nothing is guaranteed. I'd be devastated to have these wonders in pregnancy kept silent, only to lose the pregnancy and never have shared these exciting moments with people I love. It would make it feel like I was never pregnant, that Little never existed, and that my husband and I never embarked on the beginning of perhaps the most special time in our lives.

I am nervous about sharing our news in the way that is best for us. I am a bona fied terrible liar, and my friends are smart enough to know what to look for. Besides that, we know people we love are happy to know, but they've been told too that spilling the beans this early only sets us up for uncomfortable exchanges should the worst occur. We are going to move ahead though with the worst far from our minds, with joy about our future and the future of our little, and with the comfort and relief that if the news turns bad, we'll have a group of folks to rely on.

And, besides all of that, there are some mixed reactions. My wonderful friend Sydney who is further along in her pregnancy shared some good advice, explaining that folks will react with as much shock as love, as much envy as joy, and as much grief as celebration. Our friends will have to reflect on the reality that our lives will never be the same. And, while we feel life will be infinitely more wonderful, it may take some of our friends a minute to get there.

But the most warm reception, and the most often received, is utter excitement. I will never forget the looks on the faces of our parents when we shared the news. Complete surprise, red faces, huge as hell smiles. Sheer and utter joy. When I told my Mom that I knew for only a week so far that I was pregnant, she asked why I hadn't said anything earlier. So much excitement for this happy, ecstatically wondrous time!